When I was managing a large number of salespeople I
would often tell them the way to increase sales revolved
around the understanding of a technique I called, the five people rule. Very
briefly, it states that if you line up five people shoulder to shoulder and
asked all five their opinion of you, one will hate you, one will love you, and
three will be indifferent.
The person that hates you may have any number of
reasons for doing so. Perhaps they don’t like the way you look, the way you
dress, or the way you talk. Maybe it’s the way you assert yourself publicly.
Perhaps you’ve wronged them at some point or wronged a member of their family
or their organization. Maybe their mother didn’t like your mother. Perhaps you
did absolutely nothing! And this person simply doesn’t like you!
The person that loves you may do so for number of
reasons. Perhaps the both of you are two suits, or two dresses, cut from the
same cloth. (Your behaviours mirror each other!) You just get along famously
with each other and like being in each other’s company. Perhaps you’ve done
them a favour in the past; or got them or a member of their family a job.
Perhaps, in this case, you made no overt attempts to be liked by this person,
but they do like you anyway; it’s just you!
“If people like you, they’ll listen to you but if they trust you, they’ll
do business with you.” –Zig Ziglar
In either case it really doesn’t matter. The fact
of the matter is as we go about in our lives some people will naturally like
us, and some people will naturally dislike us. The real goal here is to look at
the three people that are indifferent to you. Because if you can get just one
of them on the “love you” side, then you have doubled the proportion of people
who like you versus dislike you.
Obviously, in sales this is very important, since people
buy from people that they know, like, and trust. But, in everyday life this is
important also not just because we can increase your circle of influence but
it’s always nice to have people like you instead of disliking you.
So, the question becomes how can we gain enough of
an understanding of our own behaviour to tip the scales in our favour of other
people’s opinions of us?
Here are a few ideas that I
shared with salespeople and clients over the years, and I hope you
can use them also in general interpersonal communication skills:
1.
Analyze why the individual that doesn’t like you
feels that way – There’s a very good possibility that you don’t like
them either. Throw those feelings into the mix, and answer the question, “Based
on this information what can I change about my behaviour?” Please note, it’s
not about the other person changing, it’s about you changing! The goal here is
that if you change perhaps you can get the other person to change.
2.
Analyze why the individual that likes you feels
that way – How do you act and behave that endears you to this person? Is it
possible to duplicate those behaviours with a different person?
3.
Of the three individuals that are indifferent,
which person do you think you would have an easier time behaving in such a way that
they start to like you? – That’s the one you want to
attract to you first. Since you feel that they are the most favourable to you,
it’s like picking a piece of low hanging fruit! Based upon the knowledge you
got from answering questions one and two you should be able to alter your behaviour
in such a way that would allow that one individual to come over to your way of
thinking.
4.
Forgive the individual that doesn’t like you – It really doesn’t matter why they don’t like you, just forgive
them. There are no justified resentments! By forgiving that individual you
remove all of the psyche rust that is keeping you from having other people like
you (and you liking them). When you begin to understand that every word that
comes from someone’s mouth is truly a prayer about themselves, regardless of
who the subject is, the person that doesn’t like you is really showing an
outward manifestation of their internal reflection. It’s not you! Forgive them.
5.
If by chance, you behave in such a way that wronged
that person who was holding something against you, forgive yourself – It is impossible to forgive someone else until you have allowed
yourself the same privilege and honor. The past cannot be retraced. And the
past does not necessarily have to be trajectory toward the future. If you can
make it up to them, do so. If not forgive them and you and move on.
6.
Have a mindset of always expecting the best in any
interpersonal situation – Like everyone; and expect
everyone to like you. That will begin to set up imperceptible behaviours, all fuelled by your self-conscious mind that will attract others
to you in a likable manner.
Kindly Note : All ideas and materials presented herein are for informational and educational purposes only, and is not intended for commercial or trading purposes. Neither does it mean to misguide anyone. Kindly make informed decisions on your own risk. Neither livettcelearn.blogspot.in website nor any of its owner shall be liable for any errors or delays in the content or for any actions taken in reliance thereon.
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