I recently attended a senior executive
meeting for an important budget discussion. I know, it doesn’t sound too
exciting. But as I sat there with the brightest at my company, it got me
thinking. How are these people different from the rest of us? That is, what’s
the recipe that makes someone a CEO, while another remains a mid-level employee
all their lives?
Naturally, all the people in the room
were well-dressed, well-spoken, and well-educated in their respective fields.
However, what truly made them stand out was their confidence. That
inner feeling that they were exactly where they deserved to be in life, and
that they had something of value to leave to the world.
So, what can we do to get on the other
side where the grass is greener and the sun is warmer? The first
thing to understand is that building confidence is a process, not a point in
time. It’s an evolution. Or, even a better way to put it—it’s like going to the
gym. If you want lasting results, you must sweat regularly. No one else can do
the job for you.
Here are 5 confidence boosters that I’ve found to work—supported by
research and tested by me in real life:
1. Mind Your
Body
This one is largely intuitive. It’s
hardly a great secret that “spreading large,” a firm handshake, or a stable eye
contact are traits of an affirmative leader, and that sitting up straight and
holding our head high can be instant confidence-boosters.
Body language
matters. Psychologists place its importance between
70% and 90% of all our communication with the world. What’s more, people
“thin-slice” us and can draw some pretty accurate conclusions about our
personalities just by looking at us for a few seconds.
Given the lasting print of first
impressions, we better make sure that we present a memorable image to the
world. It’s within our power, so carry yourself with dignity. Choose every
detail wisely.
“Deafness has left me acutely aware of both the
duplicity that language is capable of and the many expressions the body cannot
hide.” – Terry Galloway
2. The Hollywood
Effect
If there is anything that Hollywood can teach us about confidence, it is the art of“showing off.”
That is, emphasize your strengths and talents whenever and wherever possible. Of
course, it goes without saying that you need to have certain skills or mojos to
start with, that will make you stand out in the first place. Clever branding
and marketing can magnify these.
People who lack confidence usually have
one thing in common — they try to avoid attracting attention to themselves. A
bit of “bragging” will help position our personal brand in others’ orbits with
positive and lasting effects.
Success is about two things — knowing
your worth, but also helping the world discover how unique you are. No
matter how many special talents we may possess, if no one knows about them,
what good does it do? Mention your skills often. Be
proud of them. Let them shine. However, don’t overdo it. Narcissists and
extreme show-offs are not anyone’s favorite folks. So, shine bright, and let
the world find you by following your light.
3. Survival of
the Fittest
Darwin taught us many years ago that
it’s not the strongest of the species that survive but the ones that can best
adapt to their environments. It’s a desirable trait to nurture, especially in
terms of self-esteem.
A large part of having healthy
confidence lies in meeting our human need to belong, to connect with others, to
fit in—be it in a group, on the sports team, or the work outing.
Becoming more likeable is often as
simple as listening to people, taking interest in their stories and having a
desire to help. And no, it’s not about acting fake. It simply means developing
a better understanding of others, and trying to walk
in their shoes. Small gestures result in great benefits,
so learn to look at the world from different angles.
4. The Zen
Factor
Meditation is quite important not only for our sanity but for our
self-esteem too. Science tells us that there we receive approximately one
billion stimuli in our brains every second. We filter out most but there are
still around 100 sensations we keep for processing.
Naturally, with such an overflow of
information, it’s no wonder we let self-doubts, indecisiveness and negative
thinking sneak in. This is when we can resort to the Zen masters’ wisdom—that
by learning to empty our cups of all anxiety and noise, we can see the world
differently from the position of strength, heightened attentiveness, and a
focus on living “in the now.”
Meditation also taps into the idea of
self-reflection, of taking stock of what we did well and what we can do better
next time around. 10 minutes a day is all the time we need to rewire our brain
so that we can become the more positive, confident and relaxed version of
ourselves. In the end, breathe in calmness, and breathe out worry.
“Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is
relax.” – Mark Black
5. Expertise and
Authority
The most natural way to emit confidence
is when it’s done from the position of authority or as an expert. We all tend
to pay close attention to such individuals and believe pretty much everything
they say because they “know their stuff.”
Building in-depth
knowledge will certainly gain us lots of brownie
points with others; mainly, in the form of respect and appreciation. “Knowing
our stuff” will also breed confidence as it makes us better prepared to face
the world, to weather adversities, and to combat self-doubt. It is up to you to
find your strengths and passions in order to become the best you can at
what you do.
Going back to my executive meeting. Is
it possible, I asked myself, for anyone really to become the next CEO of their
company, or a famous writer, or even an astronaut, if that’s what they want in
life?
Absolutely. Of course, you will
probably need to build the knowledge and experience first. But above all, you
need to start believing in yourself, in your stars, and in your strengths.
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